sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
