Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
