i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
