wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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