So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
