addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize