So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize