I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
