Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
