did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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