GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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