I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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