so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
