His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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