Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think I sprained my soul last night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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