I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
