Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
