You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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