Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
