Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
