like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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