didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It's Friday. Sex?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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