I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
