I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
