Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
