Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
