I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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