I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
