i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
