You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize