i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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