I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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