Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
