I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm like, not good at living.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
