i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize