R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
