How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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