There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
