So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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