TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
