You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
