Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
