Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
