i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
