this must be what syphilis tastes like
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
