We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
