I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
