i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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