Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
