I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
