Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize