I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
