That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
