I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
