Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
did i walk over a car last night?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
