Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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