Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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