so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
