I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
