it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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