Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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