three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize