Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
