Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
