And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
