She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
