He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
