That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
