I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
