i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
ttyl tear gas
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
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