Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
