dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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