She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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